Goodbye, Sam
by lexakay
Summary: One-Shot:   Dean is dead and Sam has already started his sending-demons-back-lessons with Ruby. But one night, they have a special guest.  Based on episode 4x9 "I know what you did last summer"


Soo, at first, thank you very much for stopping by and being interested in my little one-shot :) Originally I've written it in german and then I translated it to put it up on the internet, so I hope there won't be too much mistakes x) I'd be very happy to read some reviews! (If you don't mind, of course)

Thanks again!

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><p>12.08.2008<p>

The golden amulet reflected the pale light, which shone in from the street, while Sam was swinging it back and forth right before his eyes. He caught side of its random shape that stood out slightly of the darkness in the room, just vaguely. It felt like it had been yesterday, when he had given it to his big brother on Christmas. In fact, he had wanted to give it to dad, but, acting out of childish morality as their father had let them alone once again, he gave it to Dean. He swallowed.

Steps on the stairs awakened his attention, he hid the necklace quickly. Sam had it with him every day since Dean's death, since his provisional funeral three months ago, without Ruby realizing it. Well, maybe she knew, he had no clue, but if it were so, until now she was tactful enough not to mention it towards him. Even now, some weeks after. She had saved him. At the last moment, Sam could hide himself. The door of the lonely home was pushed open loudly and it bumped uncontrolled against the wall of the corridor. As if they were fighting, two persons tripped inside, digging their fingers into each other's hair and groaning.

A few moments later, only then Sam understood, turning red, that the two women were kissing each other passionately, not were –like he thought at first- wrangling. Well, maybe they did, but probably not in a negative way. Although everything went just as how they had planned it, Sam felt like a pervert voyeur.

Suddenly one of them –it was too dark to see who- was pushed to the middle of the rundown, ancient living room. Moaning she stood there and Sam thought, that he recognized a grin on her face, but it was away too fast. Where has he seen it before? It wasn't, couldn't be… Ruby?

The shadow was about to run towards the other woman again, but stopped after some steps, as if it were standing before a wall. "What the-"

The stranger lifted up her arms and boxed in the air, but her anger still didn't provoke any reaction. "You… You son of a bitch!"

"Ts, ts… Those words coming from such a cute girl", Sam heard Ruby's voice saying, or better, the voice of the woman Ruby was possessing. He sighed in relieve. But the stress was not over yet. Actually, it was just about to get started.

The stranger's angry mumbling reached to his ears, exactly in time with Ruby's demand. "You can come out."

Clenching his fists Sam stepped out from behind the yellowed couch and walked to Ruby with slow and thoughtful steps, standing in the dark. Now he had a better look at the blonde, young woman, who stood under a spell against demons. It was still hard for him…

The faces of the possessed people, whom he had freed from demons until now, were still stuck in his mind and they would probably never disappear. The light of the street lamp standing next to the residence was enough for Sam to look at the possessed girl.

Bright, straight hair fell loosely onto her shoulders and she had a pretty face with evenly contoured lips and a straight, delicate nose. But what the color of her eyes was, he could just guess due to the twilight. She seemed to be a silent girl, probably went to university, if there wouldn't be this thing in her. At the moment she just stood there, right in front of him, fists shaking, breathing hardly, furious.

He noticed how Ruby wiped over her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket. "She went really hard on me."

The blonde girl gave her a big smile shortly, before she, only fragments of seconds later, spiked her up with piercing sights. The look hurt Sam. Something was strange, it wasn't right.

Suddenly the possessed turned conciliable and raised her hands calmingly. "Okay, okay… Let's make a deal. I don't know you, I don't know what you want from me, but I can tell you, that I just want to live as a free person. I won't harm anyone."

"Sure, that's new to me", Ruby answered sarcastically. The girl sighed resigning. "But…"

Sam took over the speech. "No deals." He swallowed down an upcoming "I'm sorry", while he walked towards her with fast steps. Demons lied and their being always ended up in chaos. Even Ruby - rather exactly Ruby - was a shining example. Sam lunged and hit the stranger in the face. In almost the same moment she fell on her knees right before him. She had lost consciousness.

What had been in her look? It sent chills down his spine. Something in her eyes had made him stop, just shortly, without him noticing it, not clearly noticing. The strange feeling was getting stronger.

Ruby gave him a few rough ropes and a chair, on which Sam placed the girl and tied her arms and legs to with swift movements. He had to concentrate immediately.

As he had finished, he stepped back a bit and looked at the stranger, still panting. She didn't move. This demon seemed to be pretty weak, weaker than most, he had had to deal with.

The feeling, it was obvious, he knew it, but he couldn't get it. It annoyed him, feared him. He had to ignore it.

In fact, the most difficult was still facing him.

With mixed feelings Sam stamped past Ruby to the other corner of the room and returned with a huge, water filled bucket. He gave the brunette woman next to him a questioning look.

"Go ahead", Ruby said. "You know what to do."

"Do you think she knows something?" he asked skeptically. For weeks they have repeated this procedure almost daily and every time they were unsuccessful. None of the demons, which they had met until now, could give them sufficient information about Lilith. Sam wasn't sure, whether they really knew nothing or whether they were just afraid of her demonic revenge.

Ruby shrugged. "Is it important?"

Sam didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. They had to try, over and over, but gradually he grew tired of it. Dean would never come back.

He bowed down to the ice cold bucket at his feet, raised it moaning and finally doused a lot of it on the tied-up woman.

At the same moment a painful moan filled the room, which was unnecessarily echoed by the walls. Sam hated this sound more and more every time. Like smoke, billows soared up from her, though she has "only" been showered by for human harmless, holy water. That she couldn't escape from the banning spell had proved that there was a demon in her, but holy water was one of the few things that could hurt them.

The stranger groaned again and swayed her head, rearing up, but slumped down breathless shortly after. Through the hair, which had fallen in front of her face, Sam could shortly see the well-known, black glint in her eyes, but it was away very fast. Instead she now lifted up her head and looked at Sam with very sad eyes. Her voice wasn't more than a weak whisper. "Sammy?"

Sam felt like his heart had stopped, his lungs refused their work for a moment. He couldn't move, no muscle, no thought obeyed him anymore. As if everything was outside of him. He didn't notice Ruby's puzzled look.

The girl started flouncing, getting more excited. "Sam! Sammy, it's me! Oh god, I wished, you wouldn't see me like that…"

"What the-", Ruby breathed, she narrowed her eyes. Wasn't that…

"No!" Sam snapped out all of a sudden. Ruby and the stranger flinched shocked. With all his power the young man could loosen his stiffness. "You're lying! YOU'RE LYING!" Demons lie. Demons lie. All, all, all of them lie, it can't be, it can't be…

Dean's words appeared in his head.

"_You're my weak point. And I'm yours. The bad guys know that_."

A slapping sound pulled him back to reality. The fog, which had built up in his mind, which had covered his sight, thinned out slowly. Just now he realized, what has happened. He stood right in front of her, in front of the blonde girl. Her head was turned away from him, her hair hang incoherently into her face. Even in the pale light he could see the impress on her cheek. He had hit her.

Suddenly someone pulled him back and turned him around ungently. Sam didn't take his look from the possessed girl, his mouth stood open, but he couldn't say anything. Everything came up again, it was too hard. His face was turned away harshly, so that he had to look into two dark eyes. Ruby. She flashed her eyes to him angry and her jaws were pushed forward tensely. "What are you thinking!" she hissed. "There's a girl in her, an innocent girl! You were the one, who told me to take a dead body!" Yes. He remembered slightly. But it didn't matter at the moment, it was only… "Just send the demon back!"

Sam looked away and swallowed heavily. Tears ran down his cheeks.

"That was not a nice welcome, Sammy." Slowly the possessed turned her head back into his direction, a half-heart smile on her lips.

The way she smiled, the corners of her mouth, one slightly higher than the other, the way her eyes sparkled, how she moved her head, how she looked at him from down there…

It reminded him so much of his brother, he thought, he was going crazy.

But it was just a girl, he told himself. A demon-possessed girl.

Unwillingly he turned to Ruby. "What if it's really him?" he hissed shaking in spite of what he wanted to think. The words just came out of his mouth, without his control. "I mean, we could-"

"Who are you talking to, Sam?" came from behind, but both of them ignored it as good as they could.

"We have to do it."

"… No. He would never hurt anybody, Ruby", Sam insisted.

"You forgot, how amazing demons are acting, hm?"

"Ruby!" the blonde woman yelled disgustedly. "Oh my god, I made out with Ruby!"

"It can't have been so bad, when I think of how you stuck on me! And now shut up!"

The possessed kept quiet, was thinking for a moment and pushed the lips forwards, shortly after lifting up her eyebrows and nodding slightly. Like Dean, originally like Dean and it made Sam going crazy. It wasn't normal, this couldn't be. But, on the other hand, how often did things happen to him, that couldn't be?

Sam followed the conversation puzzled, his hands putting up and then forcing them down. He got back to topic. "I should send you back, too."

"It's not possible", the demon stressed. "I also can't tell you, whether it's really him. I can't see it." She softly touched Sam's hand. "I'm sorry."

The hunter clenched his teeth, breathed deeply. She was right, whether he wanted it or not. "God, it hurts so much…" Rashly he wiped over his face. Everything, that he had felt, after Dean had passed, when he was alone, drunk and toggling between death and life, everything was back.

"I… I just want to talk to him, not for long, okay?"

Ruby nodded slightly.

Sam bit on his lower lip. Then he came back to the blonde girl. His hands were shaking, uncontrollably, and his heart beat fast, as if he was running on a marathon. "Is… is it really you, Dean?" The words tumbled over his lips. He was exploding to hear the answer, but at the same time, he was afraid of it.

The woman nodded. "Yes."

Again, like a knife, the pain in his chest. It hurt, it hurt so much. The amulet in his jacket pocket pierced into his palm, as he clutched it frantically.

Every sentence of this unknown girl, every sentence sounded in his ears, as if he was talking to Dean personally, even if it was this woman, different voice, different circumstances.

Sam's sight blurred, until the tears loosened and rolled down his cheek. He wiped over his eyes rapidly, again.

It had to be Dean.

His death was so near, so present, Sam just got over it, had calmed his self down and now he's just back again! He couldn't do that, Dean couldn't do this to Sam just like that, mix up his life like that. But Dean suffered, too. Maybe _he _didn't show it, but Sam knew him too well. He didn't want to even imagine, what Dean went through in hell. And there he returned, because of Sam…

"Sam. Sam, please…" The girl –_Dean_- looked at him pleadingly. "I don't want to pass the short time, I'm here, like that, okay?" As if he had read Sam's thoughts. A smile ran over the woman's face.

"Okay. Okay." He was sure, Dean wouldn't want to see him like that. Sam breathed deeply, to calm himself down. "What are you doing here, anyways?"

_Dean _grinned. How typical it was for him, the same, unique grin from before. Sam hadn't been wrong. "Well, I was lucky… It's hard to explain." _He_ sighed. "I'm just happy to be here. Or, well, to _have _been here."

"And then?"

_Dean_ grimaced and glanced around randomly. "I've been searching for a… body." _He_ looked at himself. "Hot, ain't it?" Again the grin.

Sam couldn't suppress a short laugh. It was so true, so real, it was just too good.

"Also, I wanted to know this all the time. How it's like… in such a body. As a woman."

"And the girl?" Sam wanted to know, resigning. _Dean's_ expression turned darker, noticing the sound of charge in Sam's voice. "Nothing happened. I just wanted to have fun, you know? Her body was unharmed before." _He_ perked his eyebrows up and pursed his lips.

"Until you, well… flipped out."

"What was I supposed to do!" Sam exploded. Once again. He did not like what happened to him, but these feelings, they had to go somewhere. "You were… you are dead, Dean! I still don't know if that's really you and not some other demon! You don't know, how that feels, you have…" He stopped himself as he took a look at _Dean's_ expression. "I'm sorry."

Dean knew how it felt. That's why he had made the deal, he was here because of Sam.

_Dean_ kept still.

"You don't know anything from Lilith? You can't help us?"

_Dean_ sighed and shook the head. "No. Unfortunately. Not many of them down there talk to me."

"I…" Sam's voice cracked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Dean."

"I know." _The older one_ raised the head and looked at Sam encouragingly. "Do what you have to do." _He_ had accepted his faith, Sam's duty. Sooner or later it would have happened anyways. It was better, when Sam did it.

Sam looked at _him_ for some minutes. Maybe, he was waiting. Waiting for any last words. Or waiting for himself to change his mind. He felt the tears coming up, felt how his throat narrowed, how he wasn't able to breathe anymore as realization hit him.

_Dean_ didn't move and didn't say anything. _His_ eyes were glued to the ground, _his_ jaw tensed. _He_ waited for Sam to speak the exorcism.

Finally the younger one took a deep breath, gathered all his powers and strained himself to concentrate, to all limits. He had to shut everything out of his mind. He raised his hand, closed his eyes and tensed his muscles.

_Dean _looked at him puzzled, as his brother sent him back, using his thoughts. There was no time to ask questions.

Sam forced himself to let his eyes closed until it was over. He just could hear the blonde girl moaning and groaning. It sounded terrible and he had a hard time not to lose his concentration. The longer it took him, the more power he needed to finish it. Blood ran out of his nose. Still a bit, go on…

Suddenly and finally the resistance faded. The breath, he had hold because of the tension, blurted out of his lungs and his arm fell down weakly. It was so much harder…

Clapping lead his glance in Ruby's direction. "What!" he snapped.

"I think this was a new record. Congratulations."

Sam panted exhausted. "Oh, _thank you very much._"

"You should be happy", Ruby answered.

"I can't be happy about sending my own brother back to hell!" Sam yelled at her and pointed at the blonde, still pinioned woman, who had passed out.

Ruby frowned. She didn't look at Sam's face anymore, but at his hand.

"What!" he shouted irritated. At first, he didn't understand.

"What are you holding in your hand?"

Sam's eyes widened. "… Nothing."

"Give it to me", Ruby demanded harshly.

"No."

Without further talking and faster than he had expected she took his arm, turned it around and pulled his fingers apart. Sam sighed silently in pain. His hand felt warm and it throbbed. Carelessly Ruby took Dean's bloody amulet from him. "What's that?"

"Nothing", the hunter repeated obstinately.

"_What – is – that?"_

"… Dean's amulet", Sam admitted moaning, when Ruby twisted his arm painfully, once again. Finally she loosened the grip.

"There we go." She looked at the amulet closely, but she threw it back to Sam pretty fast. She pointed at Sam's bleeding hand.

"You should take care of that. Looks bad. I'll bring back the girl."

22.09.2008

"Dean?" Sam's eyes didn't leave the pitch-black ceiling. He hoped his brother was still awake.

"… Yeah?"

"Can you remember? I mean, the time, when… down there." He knew, he had already asked this question a thousand times in the last four days, but he couldn't stop. He had to know, whether Dean could remember, what he did to him.

"… No."

Dean's response had taken too much time.

"Really?"

"Yeah, so stop annoying me. I want to sleep. Good night, Sam."

"… Good night."

Dean wouldn't sleep. Too often Sam had noticed him, waking up screaming from nightmares, gasping for air, sweating, shaking. He remembered hell.

And Sam had done this to him.


End file.
